When To Walk Away

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I've recently learned how to be bold and let go of the people that didn't care for me the way I did for them. I've learned how to stop responding in specific ways that hurt me in the end and I've learned to stop looking for those people to respond to me. You must know your self-worth and what you will and will not tolerate as it will determine your boldness and the company you keep. I’ve had to let go of people who I thought I could not make a move without and it didn't hurt as bad as I thought. It was a sense of numbness when I did it. I had to forget past feelings and focus on simply letting them go. Whether you've made a mistake or that person made a mistake, you shouldn't tolerate any mental or physical abuse or don't punish that person. If they see that they can continue to mistreat you, I promise they will continue to do it until you stick up for yourself. I kept finding excuses to keep people around and that shit was a headache. I was tolerating shit that didn't even deserve my time. Each excuse that I came up with just pushed any emotion that I had away, like I just didn't care how they treated me, I just wanted to keep them. I told you guys in an earlier post that those actions are very toxic. You begin to question every moral you've ever considered because at that point, you've broken that moral. The fact of the matter is that if you remember your worth, you'll start to realize what you want. It's so much easier to give this advice and tell you what to do, but when you go through situations like this, your mind is constantly changing. You're battling yourself all the time trying to figure out if you're done done, or just need some sleep and you'll try again the next day. I've been battling myself for months. Since March. I've had several ups and downs, and depressions. I've had several times where I really had to talk myself down from doing things crazy like slashing a tire or three. I even had days where no one bothered me, I was perfectly fine, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I was in such a big funk and I figured out that it was from all this unnecessary energy I was giving to other people. The devil was also draining me with so many negative thoughts that I had to distance myself from friends and family. June came around and my relationship ended, and I was going back and forth with myself wondering what to do, is he worth losing, can I make it on my own? For a minute, I said it would all get better, that we would work out our differences and be back together again, but that's when more disrespect came about, and I had to come to that harsh realization that he was not worth it. As much as I would love to talk my shit about him and go on my rant, the purpose of this post is to express how I overcame my situations. Now most people don’t resort to religion, but for me, I prayed. I set up a commitment to myself and I practiced a new action each day and what I mean by that is I read something insightful, I wrote in my journal, or I exercised. I even got out of the house more. I was breaking habits within myself and away from those toxic people. I started to meet new people and I practiced a new mindset while speaking to those people. Point is, when I chose to walk away, I fell and I didn’t feel like myself. But I noticed that with those people still around, I would still be unhappy because I was allowing them to mistreat me and make me question myself more than I ever have before. It’s okay to let go of that toxic baggage and reevaluate yourself. Don’t think that just because you’ve been with that person for 3 years or 2 months that you have to be loyal to them after the fall out. Understand that your sanity comes first and so does your love for yourself. This goes for friendships as well. Sometimes it’s hard to know when to walk away, but when you’re tired of that depressed feeling or those disrespectful comments or that obvious sign that they do not give a shit about you, know when enough is enough for you and start your journey to peace and happiness.

Sade