Growing up, I was never as close to my mama as I would’ve liked to have been and as much as I lied and hid things from her, one thing I never felt I could not tell her was that I wanted to have sex. I remember I was 16 years old and I was sitting in my room and I had just gotten off the phone with this guy who I felt I really wanted to give my virginity to. My mom had just gotten home from either work or getting her hair cut, but it was Saturday when I told her so she had gotten her hair cut. I remember she walked into my room and I can’t remember what it was for, but I went straight for the kill and let her know that I wanted to have sex. She stood there and she listened and when I was done talking, she said “Ok” and walked away. Her expression was so calm which scared me because at that time, my mama had this very severe resting bitch face that made me just give up on asking for stuff. Needless to say, after I told her and she left, I called the guy back and we got to planning because in my head, it was about to go down! Now every time I share this story, people always give this shocking expression like “OMG you told your mom”? Uh hell yea I told my mama. I told her for three reasons:
· She told me to tell her when I was ready
· I needed birth control and
· I was like bad luck walking at that time
I was so scared to go behind my mama back and do the nasty because if I would’ve done that, I swear I would’ve been pregnant. I was jinxed so bad that I was not taking any risks and I did not want any children. Little did I know, my mama was plotting. Mind you guys, I told her at the age of 16 that I wanted to get my back blown out, but this lady made me wait until I was 18. 18?! I didn’t peep it until I got past my horrible stages of my first and everything sunk in. I’m happy she made me wait though. Although my first time and the person I chose was just the worst experience ever and I would never ask for a fucking redo on that, I would not have been able to manage and be as mature about a lot of the shit I endured as 18, at the age of 16. No one can prepare you for that emotional state you’re going to go through. Everything is fresh and can be easily messed up with the simplest of actions like not sending a text message or calling each other. It’s so sensitive and trust me, my sensitive ass was going through it. My mom told my dad and that was the most awkward experience because he was so cool like his phrases threw me off. He was like “So Deniqua you finally did the do huh” I was like what?! What does that even mean? Lol. Did the do? If he meant so I finally got my back blown out, hell no daddy. I did not. It was horrible. But that experience is for a different blog lol.
I felt comfortable enough to speak to my mom about me wanting to have sex. I feel comfortable speaking to my mom about any of my sexual acts, because after being a mother, she is one of my best friends. Regardless of the matter, I’ve been noticing well before this post, that babies are being made by babies. I was always taught to talk to my parents about the most important things. If I wasn't ready to talk about anything else, I definitely needed to come and talk to them about things like finance, sex, careers, anything that dealt with my life in a major way, they wanted an input in it. Now I didn't let them know about financing and careers so early off the back because I thought I was good doing everything else on my own and so on and so forth, but again, that's another story for another blog lol, but I made sure to talk to them about sex because I know I didn't have no business going to do something that could bring someone else in the mix and try to get them fully together when I was nowhere near together myself. I was still getting C's in class, hell, I was barely smart enough to help a damn baby out. Moral of the story, although you may not like your parents' input, gain someone's input. Don't go into the sexual matter blind to things that can happen. Yea, you may take sex ed classes and you know about the diseases, but that actual experience, that actual feeling of a damn bowling ball being stuff in you, regardless if you're a guy or a woman, the shit is going to feel like a bowling ball lol, but it's good to have some sort of idea of whether you may still feel as though you're ready or not.
Once you hear experiences and outcomes, you can decide. Please don't have a baby while you're a baby. I feel so sad for those who have children at such a young age. Yes you can still live your life a little, but honestly it's no longer about you in any way, shape, or form once that baby comes. You now have to implement certain things for this child. Safety! I am so scared to have my first child because I am so scared of this world. I don't let it stop me from living, but I am so scared to bring someone in this world who I can't fully protect. I'm still positive on the matter, and I will always enjoy my child when that day comes, but man...that's a different level. My mama always says she can't wait until I have kids so I can understand her reactions. Welp mama it's not happening no time soon because I know my mini me will put me through the harshest test. Anyway, please confide in someone enough to share your wants with. Don't go out and try it on your own and end up with HIV, or AIDS, or some other sexual transmitted disease because the shit is real and it happens to anyone. YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE! So please don't think you are. Go ahead and sit down and have that talk.